Eight years ago my family and I were in Cuba helping my grandparents to come to the United States. My grandparents were organizing their documents to come here. They traveled a lot because they had to deliver papers and they also had to interview two times. One day my whole family was at my house because my grandparents were ready to come to the USA. When they were ready to come they went to say goodbye to the family. We spent five days at my house. My cousin and I went to buy ice cream; we bought a lot because where I lived was where they sold more and we loved ice cream. That day I said goodbye completely because I could not go with them to the airport. I had to stay in my home. The next day they went to the airport to take the plane to Dallas. When they arrived in Dallas, the people there gave them information to grab a second flight to Tucson. They did not know English, so they were lost. While they looked for someone to help them, the time ran. But then a man came and took them quickly in a car that led people in the airport. Then they could grab the flight to Dallas. They came to Tucson, and then they sent us a letter saying that they had come very well.

I lived in Cuba about 13 years; I never thought I would come to the United States. When I was in Cuba, I always went to school and always went by foot because the school was nearby. There I always went to my cousin’s house on holidays. My cousin lived in the mountains. There were rivers and a lot of different fruits like mangos and oranges so I enjoyed going there. When I was at his house, we always went outside to walk and also go to the river with friend’s cousin’s neighbors and friends. Once when I was at my cousin’s house I stayed so long that I lost a couple of school days. Then I returned to my home to start school. I went back that day alone and I was a little scared because it was the first time that I went out alone on the city bus. The next day I had to go to school again because the school had already started. It was not very good but I liked a bit to be there. Also, in Cuba, every Saturday at 10:00 a.m. I went to church. I liked going to church; I even sang with my sister in the choir of the church. This was my life in Cuba. Then, when I was 13, I went to the United States with my other family members and with my grandparents.

In Cuba, I always knew that in America there were many toys and technologies like RC cars and video games. We knew it because the people that were already here sent things like that to their family in Cuba. That’s why, when I was ten, I always wanted to go to America to play video games and buy toys. In Cuba, the toys were expensive, and we were not going to spend money on useless things. When I knew I was going to the United States, I was happy because I was going to play with games and other fun things.

 Almost everybody in Cuba wants to come here because it is a bit difficult to live there if you don’t have much money. Sometimes even if you have money you cannot find things for kitchens, only if you have dollars to go to the store because there we go to other stores that you pay with pesos. There it is difficult to find oil, rice and also there are no vegetables all year. One time my dad came to the United States when I was little and he knew that here we could have a better life; it is for that reason that they came here to live better. Although it was not easy to come, we now do live better because now we can go to college, we can have a better car, all the food that we need is in the store, and other things that now are good. Everyone wants a better life to help their families and so their children can live better and be happy.

Almost all of my family from my mom’s side is here in the United States. We did not come all at the same time; some first, then others, because some of my family began to organize their papers first. Then the agency called to tell them they can come because they started first. The first who came were my grandparents; for them it was so that my family could come also. The other reason, for my grandfather, was that the police arrested him for a robbery of coffee that he didn’t do. Then my father’s brother arrived. Then my cousin, then my aunt with her family, and then we arrived. My other aunt came with her family and with my other cousins. Also one of my cousins got married. They all have jobs. We are all happy to be together.

I always wanted to know another country, especially the United States because my father told me that it was big and beautiful. I wanted to know this country to see how things were here. When I was in Cuba, I saw the novels from here and saw how beautiful it was, the houses and the large buildings. I also wanted to know this country to see all the new movies that come out like “Fast and Furious” and cartoon movies and all good things. I wanted to know a new language and to meet people from other countries and to see how the things work here like the technological things. I got really lucky because I could come to this country.

Few people today don’t want to go to college or graduate from high school. I want to go to college to get a good job so that I can have a good future. I also want to go to college to live and help others and to learn more and be intelligent. I want to go to college for some type of engineering degree. I also want to get a good job to help my parents and to have a good house. That’s why I want to pass all of my classes in high school to graduate and go to the university. I was able to come to America and I want to take this opportunity to study hard. 

            Today Monday, November 8, 2011 is a beautiful, freezing, and sunny day in Tucson, Arizona. My mind is popping with some questions in my head. What am I doing here? On this day and at this particular time? What motivated me to attend this high school and this specific class? These questions are so complicated and they force me to go backward to my past to get answers.

            I remember the time when my father and my grandfather used to tell me the things they did back in Bhutan. I remember one specific conversation with my dad and my grandfather. It was rainy season and the clouds were strongly flashing their electric lights in the sky and dropping the rain down to the ground. I asked my dad and grandfather, “In Bhutan, is the weather same as in Nepal?” My dad answered, “There used to be more rain and at the same time we used to go to our fields and start planting crops. Back in Bhutan, growing crops and selling was our business. Our survival was crops. By the money we earned from the crops, we used to buy cows, oxen, buffalo and goats to plow the fields.” I asked another question, “What kind of transportations were available to transport goods from one place to another?” This time my grandfather answered, “At that time we didn’t have many technologies like these modern days. We used to transport ours goods by horses and donkeys. At that time we didn’t have trucks and cars to carry the goods. Also, we didn’t have concrete roads like now. We used to walk on gravel roads across mountains for three or four days to get to the market.”

            While I was picturing that view in my head, suddenly another question appeared in my mind. When I was going to voice my question, my mom arrived. While I continued conversing with my dad and grandfather, my mom was cooking delicious food. I saw hot and spicy chicken legs. Also I smelled hot, tasty, and oily beans. When I was passing through the kitchen, I felt like I was walking through one of the fancy restaurants where I could smell different kinds of delicious foods. After she joined the small group of family, I asked the third question that had come to my mind: “Tell me the difference between living in Bhutan and living in Nepal? Which do you prefer?” As soon as I finished asking the question, my mom replied, “Bhutan.” I asked, “Why? What makes Bhutan more special than Nepal?” My mom replied, “Because of the life we had back in Bhutan and the life we have now in Nepal. In Bhutan we used to have our own house, own farm fields and own domestic animals, but now we don’t have anything, not even a single house which belongs to us to cover our head.” After having this fascinating conversation, we went to bed hoping to have a sweet night.

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            Wednesday, June 15, 2008, was such a beautiful day. The weather was warm and sunny. I had no idea and never expected to see the little thing which changed my path to another direction, a thing which I had never even thought about. It was 1:00 p.m. It was a very peaceful afternoon. I was in my backyard. I was feeling the cool air touching my body. Also I was listening to a beautiful song sung by different birds. Suddenly a voice came. “Hey Khagen. Come here.” It was my dad. I went inside my house. Dad asked me to go to the market and buy some rice for dinner.

It was 1:07 p.m. the weather suddenly started changing. The sky started filling with clouds. I was feeling bored to walk all the way to the market and come back to home again. yet I thought maybe there was no rice left for dinner, so I took my responsibility seriously. I started walking towards the market. I had a green and red mixed color bag in my hand. At that particular time, I was feeling so tired and lazy to walk. The distance from my house to the market was one kilometer. I was half way to the market. Frequently, I was looking up at the cloudy sky and down at the gravel road. After a long walk, finally I reached the market.

            I started looking for the rice store. I walked to each and every store and looked for the rice, but unluckily I couldn’t find rice in any store. At that moment, I was so worried about not finding rice in the market. At the same time I was telling myself, “You didn’t fulfill your responsibility.” After that I started the return journey home with a bad expression on my face. Suddenly my eyes went to the mass of people standing in front of the notice board. I wondered why so many people were standing in front of the notice board. First I thought that some people fought and other people were surrounding them. I went closer, and then I realized that people weren’t fighting. In fact they were reading some information on the notice board. I got even more excited; I went near by the notice board. I wasn’t able to see the things that were written on the board because of the crowd of people standing in front of me. Furthermore, it was very hard to pass through that many people. I stayed outside waiting for someone who could tell me what was going on. Suddenly one of my friends came out from the mass of people who were standing in front of the notice board. I asked him, “What’s going on over there?” We two walked towards home together and on the way he explained all things about the resettlement to the U.S.A. for refugee people. At that time I was so excited to deliver this message to my dad, mom, grandpa and to my neighbors. After walking half a kilometer, finally I reached my house. I said thanks and goodbye to my friend. He went to his house.

 I entered my house. My dad asked me, “Where is the rice?” I replied, “There was no rice in the whole market, but there is some good news dad.” “What is that?” I answered, “There is one agency, IOM, providing us a wonderful chance to restart our peaceful life in the U.S.A.” My dad was surprised I told my dad to go in front of the UNHCR office. Right away my dad and my neighbors went to the UNHCR office to get information about resettlement.

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That night all people were awake. Our whole family was sitting on the chair and floor in front of our house. It was a cloudy, full moon night. My dad and grandpa started talking about the fresh news posted on the notice board that afternoon. Their voice was a little low so I didn’t understand what they were saying. After a few minutes, my dad asked a question to me, “Do you think that it is a good idea to move to the U.S.A.” At that time I was 13 years old. I was so excited to move to a different country. At the same time, I was worried about life in a different country. I was worried about the language we speak and the language were are going to speak in that country; I was worried about the school that I was going to attend in the new country, and the new friends that I was going to have in the U.S.A., but moving to another country made me so excited and I answered, “Yes we should move to another country.”  He asked the same question to each and every one in the family. We all answered, “Yes.” The next morning, my dad brought the form from UNHCR, filled it out, and submitted it .

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After seven months, the agency called us for our first interview. We all went to the IOM office. It was easy for the children. An interviewer asked simple questions to my brother and me. For example: are you married? Do you have children? How old are you? And are they your family? After interviewing my brother and I, they sent us outside the interview hall. Slowly every member of our family was interviewed. The person asked my grandpa the occupation he had in Bhutan. My grandpa was honest; he gave the honest answer. Grandpa told that person that he was a retired army solder of Bhutan. After the agency knew that he was once part of Bhutan’s military, UNHCR had to decide whether this man was a terrorist or not. It took six months to decide. After that, finally they said it was okay for us to go to the U.S.A. After they decided we were ready to go, our other interviews went really fast. We were just waiting for the date that we would leave Nepal. While we were waiting for our final date, we started selling things such as our television, radio, sleeping beds, and cell phones. After two weeks of finishing our interview process, our date arrived. It was September 17, 2009. We had just a few days left before moving from Nepal. All of my uncles and aunts from Bhutan came to Nepal for the last and final good bye. After that we packed our new clothes, some pots, rice cooker, some dishes, and documents. At that time, all were crying except me because I was so excited about the journey.

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Finally, the days came to say good bye to all of my friends and the home where I was born, Nepal. We all started our long journey towards the U.S.A. That particular time was heart breaking. At that moment I realized what it felt like to go far away from someone or something you really love. We started our journey to Chandragudy Airport. By Yeti Airline we arrived in Kathmandu. In Kathmandu there were many families who were going to fly to the U.S.A. too. I met many unknown people. At that moment I felt so happy because everyone I talked to was friendly and nice to me. I spent four days talking with people and sleeping on the bed. After that, we flew to Delhi, India by Jet. We spent one night in Delhi, India and flew for hours to get to New York. We spent one night in New York. The next morning we flew to Dallas, Texas. It took four hours to get there; we spend three hours waiting for another plane. From Dallas, Texas we flew to Tucson, Arizona. There was a lady who was waiting to pick us up. A lady took us directly to the IRC office. We got the chance to meet with our case manager. Our case manager took some photos of us to make our identity cards. After that they took us to our new home which is on Pima between Alvernon and Columbus. After a few weeks our new manager took my brother and me to the IRC office to talk about the school we were going to attend. They decided we should attend Catalina Magnet School because of the area in which we lived. One month after we arrived in Tucson, Arizona, my brother and I started attending school.

I started attending classes of Mrs. Mack and Mrs. Riley. At that time I was in ELD level 1. The first week was so hard to understand teachers and figure out the classrooms. Yet time passed really quickly by learning about different things and places. It was the end of the year. Mrs. Riley asked all of us to write poems. The poem was about rhyming words. Also she asked my brother, Krishna, me and two guys to read the poems at the Finding My Voice celebration. We presented our poem so perfectly. The first day of school year the next year I got my schedule. I had different classes than before. My first period was Earth Science, second was Algebra 1, third was ELD III, fourth was also ELD III, and finally sixth was Finding My Voice. The reason my ELD level jumped was because I had passed the writing and listening part of the AZELLA test, so many teachers decided to put me in higher level ELD classes.

I was getting lots of knowledge from every teacher. In Finding My Voice class I learned how to write. I learned how to write essays, paragraphs, photo essays and persuasive essays. In the middle of the school year, I took AZELLA test. After a few weeks the results came out and Mrs. Riley called me to her classroom. I went to her class I asked, “Do you want to see me?” She replied, “Yes, have a seat on the chair.”I asked her, “Why do you want to see me?” She replied, “Congratulations.” I was surprised, “For what?” She replied, “You passed the AZELLA test.” In that moment, I felt proud of myself for all the hard word I did. I felt so excited and I was jumping because of happiness. After that she explained my AZELLA scores. Time passed and it was almost time for the end of the school year. Mr. Berry called me to Ms. Kasper’s classroom to talk about the classes I was going take the next year. When I first met him he said, “Hi, how you doing?” I replied, “I am doing fine thank you and how are you Mr. Berry?” He replied, “ I am doing great, thanks.” Mr. Berry said, “Are you ready to choose the classes for the next year?” I answered yes. Mr. Berry started talking, “You are taking Earth Science now, so next year you will take biology. Okay you have passed AZELLA test, so you don’t have to take ELL classes. Okay I will make a list of classes that you are going to take next year. There it is: English for the 21^st Century Workplace, Geometry, American History, Biology and Art. Now here are your choices, do you want to take Finding My Voice again or do you want to take another writing class?” I thought for a while. I thought that it was good for me to take Finding My Voice again because I know the teacher and the learning process, and if I took another writing class I might not get more knowledge about my writing. I decided to take Finding My Voice class again. After fixing my classes for next year, I went back to my class.

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Today Monday, November 8, 2011 the beautiful, freezing, and sunny day in Tucson, Arizona my mind is popping with some questions in my head. What am I doing here? What motivated me to attend this high school and specific class? Maybe this is the place where I belong. Also maybe my future will change by attending this school, and this class, right here and right now.

My life is like a colorful book because I can draw a smile on people’s faces.
Like a rainbow remembering every beautiful and sad moment that happened in my life.
I can remember the time when I used to cry to my mom to buy me boy’s clothes.
Like a baby wants her foods
My first day of school in the U.S., Mrs. Mack talked to me in English
at that moment I felt I was from a different planet.
That day I felt more different than normal than I had ever been in my whole life.

It was summer time, the trees were green, and the water was shiny blue.
The sky was clear and blue; the sun was bright all over the place.
In that moment that I was staring at the sky
I found myself falling in the middle of the Colorado River.
I am like a book because I can remember every moment that happened
since I was little girl until I grew up.
Back in my home country, when I was young,
my mom used to take me with her to my aunt’s house.
Because my aunt used to live alone
I cried very hard
Sometimes she sent me home in the middle of the night because I cried a lot.
She gave my sister a doll to play with
when my sister went to her house she didn’t cry,
she told me to go with her and she would give me one but I didn’t go with her.

People without eyes are like plants without water
like a person without a future or like a body without a soul
I am like an eye out in the universe
that can see every single planet, star and galaxy
I am like a tree
when it puts down its roots it never moves
when I need something I never give up or look back to get it.
I am a strong lion, getting what I want
Never feeling scared of any other animals.
I am like a lion because I never get scared to be alone
or to go out at a late time or hour.
I am like rain that washes away sadness and brings happiness.

There is something deep inside of me میرے اندر کچھ ہے.
That makes me want to know اس کا کرتا ہے مجھ سے جاننا چاہتے ہیں
It’s waiting there quiet silently یہ وہاں انتظار کر چپ چپ چاپ رہا ہے
So one day I may grow. تو ایک دن میں بڑھ سکتے ہیں.

 It’s like the lamp of wisdom یہ حکمت کے چراغ کی طرح ہے
That’s poor but shining bright  کہ لیکن چمک رہا ہے روشن ڈالنا
That’s takes away the darkness کہ اندھیرے دور لے جاتا ہے
Filling everything with light روشنی کے ساتھ محسوس ہو رہا ہے سب کچھ

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Zaroon Nasir

Colors of Life

I am really soft
I am mixed with colors
I am orange, I am blue, I am red, I am pink and I am purple
I am more beautiful than nature
I am brighter than the sun
I am a fallen feather from a peacock
I don’t know how it happened
But it happened

Traveling here and there
With a lot of people
Someone puts me on a table
Or someone puts me in a jar
They keep me like their friend
Because I am a peacock feather

Sometimes I am in darkness
Because of the people where I am living
When they try to rub me
But I suffer that because they are just children
Sometimes I make them delighted
And sometimes I make them sorrowful

They like me to stay in the same place
Because they think that I will be lost
Because they think that I am a small boy

I like to travel outside with my friends
By sitting between their ear and head
They like to compare my color with their appearance
Sometimes red, blue, pink, orange or brown

Me and my beauty, my family, have faced many troubles
When we were plucked by the people of my home
The same people gave us a lot of hate
Due to them we ran from our home
Trying to save our life
Because we are totally different from others

Our running was successful
But the place we reached, Nepal,
Was full of evil people
They didn’t know how to treat others
They didn’t know how a feather changes its color
They didn’t know what real beauty looks like

We were on our journey
And now the feather and the beauty are grown up
And have reached our destiny, U.S.A.
People here are really generous
They treat us like friends
They really know about the beauty of a feather

And now this beautiful feather has a new life,
new paths, a new journey, new dreams,
new friends, a new way of living and new feelings
Now my friends are with me
They take me wherever they go
They spend time with me by looking after me

Now all of my natural brightness is coming back again
Now you all again can compare me with the nature
I am now again the most beautiful thing in the world
I am pink, I am blue, I am red, I am green,
I am purple and I am grey
Now you can see me as I was before.

                I am a funny guy who always jokes with his friends and always helps others.  My name is Rup Mishra, and I came from Nepal. I have been here in the United States, in Tucson, Arizona, since August 27, 2009. I am attending Catalina Magnet High School to learn to read and write. There is a lot of humor with friends and other teachers here. They all come from different countries and continents like Mexico, Africa, Iraq, Asia, and America. They are really nice persons who help each other. I’m a funny boy whose life is made up of his family, friends, name, race/ethnicity, sex, gender, cultural background, language, height, weight, physical abilities, mental abilities, and location. These are important things in my life and these are real things for my life.

               The way that I see myself is as a boy who is always happy with his family or friends. I never get mad with other persons because I am always happy and I give happiness to others. Right now, I’m 19 years old. I look young because I never think about getting old because I have to do a lot of things in my life. When I was a child, my first language was Nepali. When I was reached an adult age, I could speak other languages like Hindi.  Hindi and Nepali are similar. When I reached the United States, I started going to high school to study the English language. There are a lot of international people here who are coming to get a lot of knowledge from school. I speak with other friends in school now, and I improve my English.

               After I graduate from high school, I plan to go to college. I will study art. I want to become a car designer for a major car company. Car designers build powered vehicles. I have this aspiration because I think that I am a good artist.  When I think about car designing, I first think that every year many different car companies launch new car models that are designed by a person and all the companies want a fresh mind to design cars. So, being a car designer is a wonderful thing in life. In these jobs, I can earn a lot of money.

               My physical abilities allow me to reach this goal. Driving is within my physical abilities because I like driving cars long distances. When I travel long distance, it’s really interesting to drive.  I’m not afraid to drive a car. I listen to music when I am driving. It’s one of my inspirations. When I am driving a car, I listen to songs, get relaxation from music, and forget all that is going on. I focus on driving. I also like swimming because swimming is a one of the best ways to relax after a long day of work. Swimming is even more amazing and interesting.

               Finally, I’m a funny guy who always jokes with friends and helps others. I came from Nepal, but now days I live in Tucson, Arizona. I didn’t speak the English language before I came to America. I go to Catalina Magnet High School to read and write and get a lot of knowledge. I have a lot of friends in school from different countries and they are really nice people who are helping me to speak the English language. I see myself as a young man who wants to get a lot of knowledge. After I graduate from high school, I plan to go to college. When I attend college, I will take art courses because I want to become a car designer. These are important things in my life and these are real things for my life.

My goals motivate me to come today to school. I want to learn more. I believe that having goals can keep me on the right track.

I was living in Nogales, Sonora when I decided I wanted to move here, to Tucson. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for me to start again in a different country, but I always talked about starting a new life; not to be far away from my family, but to realize my goals. I always wanted to learn English, and when I came here my goals were to learn English, graduate from high school, and study to be a nurse or maybe be a teacher of kindergarten. It was necessary for me to leave my family so I could reach my goals because the only place where I could reach them was in Tucson. This is the only place where I have a family member to take care of me as I study because my parents always work and they never have time for me. They do, but sometimes they are just tired. What I always wanted was for them to talk to me to know me better and so I could feel that they loved me.

I was about twelve years old when I made up my mind. I know I was too little to decide what I really wanted to do, but I knew that one day the day would come so I decided all this. When the day came, I already knew what to do. I knew it was going to be hard for me to start again and be far from my family. I talked about this with my mom so that she could tell me her opinion, and she said it was a good idea so I could get a better education and live in a safe country; she wanted the best for me. Also, she wanted me to be with someone who could be there for me and really take care of me and have time for me. Her face didn’t look as if she was sure, but she knew I always wanted to learn English and that would make me happy. It wasn’t easy for me to leave them, but I tried to show strength for her, to let her know that she didn’t have to worry.

The night before, I was thinking to give myself a chance to live a different life. “Mom what do you thing about me leaving you, my brother, my sister and dad and going far away to live in a different place?’’ I said. “What are you talking about sweetie?” my mom asked with a worried face. I said, “No, don’t worry. I mean to move to Tucson with my aunt and uncle. I really want to learn English and graduate from high school and then come back.” She said, “Mmm… Aren’t you too little to decide that daughter?” I said, “Well I might be, but here the education is not good and they teach the English better over there.” “Well yes you can, but I want you to do the right things and if you ever want to come back, do it. Never give up on what you want to do and make you happy,” my mom said. “I will. I just need you to trust me and love me always,” I said. “I’m always going to love you. No matter what I’ll always be there for you when you’re wrong, feel sad or alone.” “Thanks mom for giving me support and understanding me,” I said. I also wanted to live in a safe country where no people kill others or make others use drugs. I did think about my family, but I knew they would take care of each other. This is how I got here to Tucson: by my goals and thoughts.

Days passed, and I moved to Tucson. I was all happy and excited to meet more people, to learn and find new changes. Tucson wasn’t as I thought, not like I heard it was. For me, Tucson was big, hot, quiet, clean, and also interesting. Finally, the first day of school came; I was kind of nervous and excited. I went to Cavett, for 5^th grade, and I was 12 years old. I didn’t know English, so I thought it was going to be hard for me. I went to my classes and met my teachers and some friends that knew Spanish. I remember that I only talked to people that knew Spanish; I never tried to talk to other people. From Cavett, I moved to Townsend for 6th, 7th and 8th grades. My English was getting better, and when I was in 8th grade I tried to talk to other people that only knew English. It was kind of difficult for me because I didn’t want people to laugh at me, so I worked hard on that. Days passed and I was doing great. I was nearly 14 years old, and I was missing my family a lot. I didn’t go to visit them; I only had the chance to talk to them on the phone. Living with my aunt felt strange; I felt different and shy like I didn’t want to talk to anyone, just hide from everyone in a corner.

My mind was full of dreams, not clear to me. I woke up in the middle of the night all confused, thinking about the dream I had when I was sleeping, feeling the feeling when you feel something bad is coming. I was worried, tired, and I had a tear in my eye, but I didn’t know why. The next morning, I went to school. I was still in 8th grade, and I was going to graduate from middle school. I was excited that I was going to graduate. My aunt and uncle were there with me, but I wished my parents were there with me too. I remember I was looking around as if I was looking for them and as if they were going to give me a surprise to be there with me on that special day, but no, they weren’t there. In that moment, I felt kind of sad that I saw everyone with their parents smiling as I wished and wanted to be. I put my face down and kept walking with my aunt and uncle. The phone rang and my aunt started to cry. I said, “What happened?” She said, “Your grandpa died” (her dad). In that moment, I felt very sober because he was one of my favorite grandpas I ever had. I couldn’t believe it. It was hard for me to believe it because when I graduated, it happened. This is how I remember when it happened because it happened when I graduated and I can’t forget it. I started thinking about the dream I had, why I had the bad feeling and a tear in my eye. I believe the my dream told me that something was going to happen on that day, but I didn’t know that this was what it was going to be, and I couldn’t do anything.

I came back from summer break, and I started my freshman year at Desert View High School. We moved houses and I moved from Desert View to Catalina Magnet High School. I was still a freshman. It wasn’t easy for me to live still without my parents, but I knew it was the best for me.

Now I’m a student at Catalina Magnet High School. I’m in grade 10 and I’m 16 years old. I’m doing well in my English studies so far. I have been doing great. I’m thinking about studying to be a nurse or be a kindergarten teacher. I’m growing up and I’m changing in different ways. I have more friends and I talk more. I’m still living with my aunt and uncle. My mom and dad call me when they can and my mom visits me when she can, but for me it is not the same because when I’m with them I don’t talk a lot like I used to. I get a little shy and feel strange being with them, as if they’re not my parents. It’s confusing and hard for me to explain.

My sister called me recently and said she was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. I got sad that I was missing a lot of things. In that moment, in my mind, I thought I wanted to move back to Nogales, Sonora. I thought about this all night and I thought about what had happened the day I graduated from middle school when my grandpa died. I thought about what I would do if my mom or dad left us, how would my sister and brother act and how it would affect us. I said in my mind, “No! I don’t want to live this way seeing my sister and brother cry because I don’t know what I would do.” So, I said, “I will go back.” That’s what I had only in my mind; I didn’t think about who I would affect or how it would affect me. I just wanted to move and be there for my nephew, mom and dad and pass more time with them and not feel strange being with them.

I knew I needed to talk to someone and there were my aunt and uncle. I asked my uncle if I could talk to him, and he said yea, so we started talking. My uncle said, “Alma, I’m here for you. I will listen to you. Tell me what is going on with you. I have seen you sad. What’s wrong?” I told him I wanted to move back to Nogales. He started saying, ‘‘Why? No! What’s wrong? Did we do something wrong?’’ I said, ‘‘No! No, it is just me, that I’m growing up without my parents and now it’s time for me be with them.” He said, “Look, I know it’s hard for you to be without them, but I know you are not making the right decision. Tell me what happened and what you have done with all the dreams you want; you can’t just leave it and give up and throw all that in the trash.” He said, ‘‘Believe me; if I had a daughter like you, I would be very proud of you. Well, I am proud of you and you know it, but Alma I want you to do what makes you happy. I know you are intelligent.’’ In that moment, I felt sad and confused. I didn’t know what decision to make or how I was affecting the people that cared for me. I was feeling lost, as if I were on a street without end.

The next day I went to Nogales, Sonora. I talked about this with my mom. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for me to go back. She just wanted the best for me. So I just left all and I asked a question to my mom. I said, “Mom, why doesn’t my dad ever say I love you to me or say he’s proud of me?” (Maybe this is what I was waiting for all the time and looking for.) My mom said, “He does love you and he is proud of you. He just doesn’t know how to show it or say it.” I said, “Oh!” and went to sleep. The next morning, I heard my dad talking to my mom, telling her what would make him happy was for me to stay here in Tucson and graduate from high school and then come back. This gave me a strong feeling that might help me to be on the right track. I thought if I did this, maybe now my dad would be proud of me and he could tell me that.

Now I’m 16 years old and I’m still a student at Catalina Magnet High School. I remember when I always passed by Ms. Kasper’s class and thought, “I want to take that class; it sounds interesting.” Now this year I do have her class and I can say it helps me a lot with my writing, and also to move on. I’m happy to share all my stories, essays and poems and I’m glad I have the pleasure to meet a teacher like Ms. Kasper because she influences you and makes you believe that everything is possible when you believe it’s possible just like her. She believes in herself and now she has a better life. Now I’m deciding to study to be a nurse and work hard so that my dream can come true. I want to be a nurse because I have always been interested in the medical field and I have always wanted to have a career in which I could possibly even save lives. I absolutely love to help people.

Finally, this is how I got here and why I’m here now: by following my dreams and following the right directions. I’m glad I had the pleasure to meet all the teachers and friends that influence me to do the right things. Living with my aunt is not that easy because for me it is not the same as the love of your mom, but I know one day I will be with her and be happy. Living in Tucson is great because there are a lot of a people that help you to realize your dreams and you have a lot of opportunities. What I have been learning about life is that life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness. If you think you can, you can. Believe in yourself.

I am like the universe; the more you study the more vast it will be,
I am like the open book; everyone can study me easily,
I am like a flower; the more you look the more you like to see,
I am like the nightmare; nobody ever wants to see,
Hence, I’m the star the more close it is the more bright it will be.

I am like a hole; the more you dig the more deep it will be,
I am like a creek; everyone can see its depth easily,
I am like math; the more you solve the more easy it will be,
I am like the mystery; which is hard to solve,
Hence, I’m the star the more close it is the more bright it will be.

I am like my country Bhutan; the more you visit the more you like to go,
I am like hell; nobody has ever desired to go,
I am like cotton; the more you touch the more soft it will be,
I am like the rough rock; nobody wants to touch me,
Hence, I’m the star the more close it is the more bright it will be.

Master of My Own World

I am the master of my own world. Do you think I am crazy? If yes, then you are wrong; if no, then also you are wrong. I am Dawa from Bhutan, student of Catalina Magnet High School. I am extremely concerned about my education, aspiration, occupation, gender, family status, citizenship, appearance and culture.
Firstly, when I see myself in the mirror I feel that I am good. I don’t care about my face much, but I really care about my weight and height. I am 5”1 inch and 109 pounds. When I was in Nepal I felt that I was tall because among my friends I was tall. When I came here, I too feel that I am tall, but when I go close to my new friends I realize I am not. I feel so embarrassed. Really it might be funny but when I see someone I feel that they are shorter than me. I really want to increase my height because most of the people here in America are tall. About my weight: I was slim, but now I am increasing my weight which I don’t like. I want to be tall like some Americans, but I don’t want to gain weight like most Americans.
I belong to the Hindu culture, but I usually say that I am Buddhist. This is because Hindus have a narrow concept regarding daughters. They made the culture that only a son can put fire on the funeral pyre of his parents and can finish the funeral ceremony. They say that if someone doesn’t have a son, their parent’s soul will not get peace. Not only that, they also think that only a son will look after their parents and due to this the gender discrimination starts. I don’t want to follow such culture which demoralizes my self-esteem or which makes me feel sorry to be a woman. I want to be an independent woman. My parents are of a different culture and language too, but they never force us to follow their culture. I am not totally against them. I do like to celebrate some festivals like Dashain and Dipawali. But I like Buddhist religion because there are not such discriminatory thoughts; they treat sons and daughters equally. I do know I can’t change the culture, but I also know that no one can force me to follow such a culture. Regarding culture, family status and gender, I see myself as a Buddhist, daughter and woman.
I spent eleven of my early years as a refugee, which is quite a bit less than other Nepali people. My life suddenly changed when I came from Bhutan to Nepal with my family. We had a wonderful life in Bhutan, but when we were exiled in Nepal I came to know that in the journey of life there is not always happiness. We didn’t even get the food supplies like other refugees for five years because we arrived late. Other Nepali people came between 1990 and 1992, whereas we came to Nepal in 2001. Consequently, we five children were separated to one in each neighborhood. At the age of seven, I lived separately from my parents. Though my aunt cared for me, I always felt lonely. In a way, I was lucky to get admission in school. In those five years we needed to go through the pain which we had never dreamed. Refugee life is like a flower without scent, fish without water.
We were not allowed to work and when we went out of the camp other citizens of Nepal dominated us. It was a nightmare for me. I always wished to remove the tag of refugee from my forehead. By spending my life as a refugee, I came to know what it means to just have citizenship. I am so happy because I will soon be a citizen of America. I don’t want to recall my past. I had a principal that said, “Past is past; it will not come back.” Though some may have spent wonderful days, a person can only smile or cry about their past; nothing more than that. It is better to forget the past and do good things in the present to make the future bright.
Now, I am student of Catalina and I am really fascinated with my studies. My education, my occupation, is the only thing that I own. It is so precious for me, like a hidden treasure, because it can’t be stolen by anyone. Regarding my education, I passed class ten in a refugee camp school and after that we needed to pay to study. Being a refugee was very difficult, but my parents managed it. I continued my studies, but the students of Nepal used to make fun of us. They called us tramps. I couldn’t complete school in Nepal because our process for America started. I was so excited to come here. I feel like my aspiration is quite near to me. I always dream to be a nurse and I know that I will be because I trust myself. When I was in class four, I read about Florence Nightingale and from that day she became my inspiration. I believe that a person should be responsible for his or her occupation. I take my occupation as a student seriously because it is the one and only way to achieve my aspiration.
In conclusion, I want to say that when I see myself I feel that I am the master of my own world because I am the one who needs to teach, realize, show the track for myself to get my aspiration, to increase my education, and to responsibly hold on to my occupation. I wish to make my parents proud of their daughter and to be an independent woman. It may seem quite different, weird, stupid, maybe crazy too, but no; I am not any of these things. I simply believe in myself.

 I am a proud Islander who grew up in the Marshall Islands
I am a proud daughter who likes to be around family
I am a proud student that likes to study
I am a proud sister; I love taking care of my brothers
I am a proud friendly young girl
I am proud of who I am
I am like a pearl hiding my personality
I am powerful in many ways
My feelings flow up and down like the ocean waves
My smile hides my feelings
I am like a turtle hiding in its shell when I am scared
But I am still proud of who I am
I have strength like a fish trying to get out of a net
I am like a fresh wind found only in an island with no peopl
I am who I am
I love the way I look; it makes me feel happy
I love the way I smile; it brightens my days
I love the way I learn; it makes me feel like I am going to be my own boss
I love the food I cook; it makes me feel like I am going to own my own restaurant
I am proud of who I am
Sometimes I make mistakes and feel like my life ends
But I can only be me
I might not be perfect in the way you see me
But I love who I am and I am
Proud of and confident about myself
I am on my own path, my journey.

I am a student
I am a focused student
I am a love student
I am an islander student
I am a coconut student
I am a peace student
I am a Christian student
I am a iroj-laplap (king) student
I am a lah-kojakjak (funny) student
I am a sky and cloud student
I am a blue sky student
I am a hard worker student
I am a cool student
I am a mool (real) islander student
I am a kind student
I am a one heart student
I am a hopeful student
I am an interesting student
I am a straight student

Family Love

Who am I? Am I really who I think I am? I think that I am a little kid and I don’t know everything about myself. Maybe I’ll ask someone else about who they think I am. Do I like what I think I like? Where am I from? I think the best way to think about myself is to ask my own parents who I am and where I’m from because they really know who I am. It is good to ask our own parents who we are and where are we are from.

My gender, how I am looking and how I am moving on this earth, is that biologically I am a boy. My father takes me with him and treats me like his real son; like for example he takes me to the beach and we always go fishing every Sunday . My father always treats me like his real son because he loves me and he really wants me to finish school and to find my future to take care of them and also my family when I grow up. I must listen to my own parents because they take care of me. I must be able to do the best that all kids or teens can to do. For example, my parents always told me to do my best in school, so I can know who I am and show that I am a real student. The reason why I’m doing my best in school is because I really want to have a great, great future that I never had.

My family’s ethnicity and nationality is Marshallese, from the Marshall Islands. We are guaranteed to always go to church; that is part of our culture. I remember one thing my grandfather told my father and my father told me about our country. He said that 90 years ago American soldiers tried to test one of the big bombs on the Marshall Islands and because of this the American government said they would pay the Marshall Islands’ government. The Americans still have the business called Bikini Atoll business and they still pay the Marshall Islands government; they will pay the Marshall Islands’ government until 2013. That is what I heard from my father, and I think he is right because I read one of my Marshall Islands history books when I was in elementary school. The Marshall Islands now looks different because many people like to fight with each other, and also some people want to go to church and some don’t. More people love to go to church than not go, and show more love to each other.

I was born in the Marshall Islands and grew up there, and now I’m 16 years old so I am supposed to know what to do with my future. I think that 16 and up are the ages that people know how to do everything in their lives. People who are 16 can find a job; one of my friends in school told me that if you are 16 years old you can work all summer if you want to. I will work one day, I guess, if everything is going good and I do the best I can do. I think that I must do my best in school so I can graduate from high school and go to college to have a degree.

In conclusion, I really know who I am by asking my parents. It is great to ask someone or your parents about yourself because family is important. If it were not for our mothers, we wouldn’t be here now.