Smoking

My problem started after we moved from Iraq to Jordan. My life in Jordan was really boring; I had nothing to do beside wasting and staying home most of the time. That was very frustrating, but I had no choice. I felt lost and I did not know what to do. My life was undecided and there was no point to it. My parents could not work, because they did not have a permit. They had to work for little money, just to pay the rent, and buy food and clothing.

My mom did not want me to work because if I got caught, the Jordanian government would send me back to Iraq. I just went to school to waste time, and have fun with my friends. I used to stay out late at night. I started smoking, fighting, and sometimes stealing.

I used to smoke a lot just to relax and stop thinking of all the other things that are not right in my life: at school, in the street and sometimes at home. It made me relax and feel calm for a while. I used to not think of anything but the cigarette whenever I was smoking. No anger, no stress and no violence, but I was killing myself slowly and destroying my life.

My friends and I used to go out, have fun and of course smoke. And whenever I was with them I would smoke more than at any other time. Some of the guys I knew had a lot of money because their parents were rich. So it was easy to buy the cigarettes and harm ourselves. Sometimes we would go back to a friend’s home; we would stay in a closed room. We lit up our cigarettes until no one could see the other from the smoke. It was horrible; it affected our eyes, lungs and made us feel lazy. We used to do that for long time, sometimes up to 7 hours a day.

My life was NOTHING. I never felt that I was a person who had the right to have a good live, get educated. I lived with the fear of being sent back to Iraq at any moment and just thinking of that made me feel angry and disappointed. I used to stay away from everybody and sit alone with my cigarettes. I was killing myself by smoking because I did not really care anymore. I smoked until it was time to go home. If I wasn’t doing that, I was either fighting or hitting things and breaking them or hurting myself. Smoking was the only solution for that time.

Smoking is never the really solution, but I used to think so just because it made me feel calm and kept me away from hurting people or even hurting myself. Still, it is not the right way to solve your problems.

I knew I was going the wrong way by reading articles about how many people are dying because of smoking. So I tried to quit by decreasing how many cigarettes I smoked a day. Instead of smoking 30-45 a day, I smoked 20-25 a day. It worked for a while, and then I started smoking more than I used to do before.

Some of my friends tried to help me by telling me not to smoke. They used to stop me from buying cigarettes; they told me to buy snacks or juice instead of smoking and harming myself. They used to say, “You are spending the money anyway, so just buy something good for your health.” I sometimes even used to pretend that I was smoking by putting a piece of wood in my mouth and acting like I was smoking a cigarette. Truth is, I was addicted.

I really needed to see a doctor, but it was kind of impossible because I did not have the money and I did want my parents to know that I was addicted to cigarettes and that I needed medication in order to quit smoking. Of course, if they knew, I would be in trouble and I might get locked at home. So I just forgot about getting help and kept going on the wrong path. I felt more disappointed and got worse, smoked more and ditched school for many days. I used to go to other schools and sell cigarettes to make money and get my cigarettes. All I thought of was how to get cigarettes when I needed them. Cigarettes were a need for me, not a want.

Therefore I kept on smoking for almost 4 years. Everything in my life was complicated, and I did not know what to do. I just kept smoking and killing myself step by step.

Once we were accepted to come to the United States, I had a feeling of hope and of positive change in my life. My mood was changed. I decreased my smoking because I knew life here would be way better than in Jordan. I just hoped the flying day to the United States would come fast. However, it took more time than we expected it to take. Most of the people that got approved to travel to the states waited less than a year, but it took us 5 years because of what happen on 9/11/01. Still, with patience and hope, some of the things got better. My mom and dad had good paying jobs, and we had enough money to live like everyone else. I felt I was getting closer to my family and my friends. I started spending more time with my family than going out, smoking and acting stupid.

Two months before we left for the United States, I decided to spend more time with friends because I wouldn’t be able to see them for the rest of my life. One night we were out very late. On the way back home, we were all smoking as always when my dad came out of nowhere and saw me. Later I went back home, scared of getting punished. Surprisingly, my dad did not do anything to me; he just asked me how long I had been smoking and if I was addicted or not. I told him everything I used to do. I always knew my dad as a tough man that never talks to us about the mistakes we made. He would get angry and beat us up or punish us in some other ways.

On that night, he just said, “I want you to promise all of us that you won’t smoke any more because we don’t want to lose you.” I told him that I was addicted to cigarettes and I couldn’t quit easily. He said, “Whenever you feel that you need to smoke, just remember what I asked you to do, remember the promise you gave me.”

I still can’t believe it, but since we arrived in the states, I have never smoked, and everything is going alright now with my family. I still have problems in life, but not as before; I only have little problems that everyone else could have in their lives.

Maybe some of you will not believe that a cigarette can destroy someone’s life and cause depression, anger, and many other problems. All I say to all teenagers that smoke and really want to quit is: you need to believe that you can quit if you want to. You need to ask for help because if you don’t ask for help, as I did not, your problems will be more complicated and difficult to solve.

As you and everyone else knows, tobacco companies are using us to make money by marketing all different kinds of cigarettes for us to buy and harm ourselves. They are making money and living a fancy life. I know I can’t do anything to stop those people from killing our youth, but I hope that anyone who reads this story finds the power to take action, to do something about it and help to come up with solutions to solve cigarette addiction problems and the harm it causes to people.